I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
