You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
