Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
