I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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