His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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