so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
