The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
