I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
