i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
