New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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