I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
