obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
