Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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