hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Someone shit on the floor
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
