I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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