I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
