And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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