He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am available for nakedness
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
