Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my shit smells like andre
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
