Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
