so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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