Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he shaved USA in his pubs
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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