Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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