Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
