I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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