Whod you bang
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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