I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then my night got REAL pukey
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
