so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Randomize