Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
