i barfeds in our rink
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize