No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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