She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize