Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize