i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
