you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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