some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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