turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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