we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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