if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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