i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
