Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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