CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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