Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
