I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
