already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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