doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
