Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are the jesus of drinking
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
