do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Couch. On fire.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
