I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize