There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
