As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
