She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
