No subtext here. People are naked.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
