he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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