The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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