"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
