You're a womanizer and a bitch.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize