Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You're like the curious george of whores
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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