dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
