i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
