Im at strip club and am horny
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
