Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
