non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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