Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
