Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
