Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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