I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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